climbing up for air

Once again, up at 4:35 in the morning. At least this time it’s a Saturday.

I signed up to do Record Production Month again this year, wherein you pick a quantity of music you want to record (a single, EP, or full album) during the month of February.

This is the third year in a row I’ve tried to do this, and maybe the first one where I actually end up making the thing I set out to. In quantity, anyway.

I had intended to do some sort of bedroom pop thing, like the stuff I’ve been making the past while. I tried for the first couple of weeks, then got totally consumed with prepping for a gig I ended up playing mid month (which is a subject for another time). I only just got back to it today, with a week left, because the mailing list I signed up for originally sent out a “if you haven’t started yet, it’s fine! BUT JUST DO IT” email that I found strangely comforting/vaguely guilt-inducing. So I tried again.

What ended up coming out of my brain was three improvised pieces of ambient/drone/whatever the fuck, using my guitar and a bunch of pedals, most notably the Chase Bliss Mood and Walrus Audio Lore. And it was actually fun to make. I think I’ve been putting a ton of pressure on myself to make music in a very specific way, and it’s just not working. I keep saying “my brain is broken” but maybe it’s just getting re-wired again… I’ve decided this happens whenever I go through a period of being depressed and start to either come out of it or at least realize what’s going on and try to climb up to the surface a little, to get some fresh air. And right now that apparently means I have zero desire to write lyrics or otherwise address my current brain rot in a direct way. In retrospect I’m not sure why I didn’t just try to do something different in the first place. Or maybe I did try earlier in the month, but didn’t think weird improvised ambient counted as music, which is silly because I actively listen to this sort of thing.

Either way, I made a thing and I think it sounds decent and it made me feel less like shit for an hour so I’ll take the win.

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